Seriously. I suck at these things. I have had a revolving door of Blogger accounts for the past 15 years. I seem to do really well at writing daily or at the very least, weekly, for about three months (or less) and then BAM! My brain resets. Then, a few months later, I decide, wow! I should start a blog! I’m like the Dory of the blogging world.
I do love to write, although it has been more difficult lately to write than it use to be. Sure, I’m also busier now than I’ve ever been with an incredible job that keeps me busy even after my normal work day concludes, two beautiful daughters, my best friend who is also my husband and other odds and ends. But I like to think that my urgency to write has been tampered because I’m not as depressed as I once was.
I started writing short stories when I was young. I loved to write about dinosaurs, robots, tigers, and dragons. My childhood was not ideal, and I used writing as a way to get out of the situation. I would find inspiration in beautiful pictures; I especially loved the work of Christian Riese Lassen. I loved the colors and landscapes, and the way I felt relaxed when I saw his work. I found myself writing stories to go along with his pictures, imagining what the sea would smell like, or how the sand would feel, or if there was a warm or cool breeze. I call it “defensive writing”; writing to defend against the thoughts that permeated my mind when I wasn’t busying it with creativity.
So today, when I think about the stories I’ve begun over the past few years and how they have sat, unfinished and neglected, it doesn’t make me feel like a failure. In fact, it shows me how far I’ve come. I don’t have to hide behind defensive writing anymore, because the life I’m living is wonderful enough. I don’t have to imagine what a warm breeze on a beach feels like, because I can go to Lake George with my husband and kids, stand in the sand and appreciate the feeling in real life.
Hopefully, because I am paying for this blog to be up and running, I’ll be better about writing in it. I want to step away from defensive writing and just start telling the stories that have helped me to survive; and maybe a little bit of my own story, too.